xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
