I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
