Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
