Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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