I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
