Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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