I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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