If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
