Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
