I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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