I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How's work?
Spinning.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
