my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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