direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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