Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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