He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
