my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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