My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
