Kiss
Puke
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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