Have you finally orgasmed yet?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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