Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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