We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
