so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
