Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
