Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
