i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize