I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
