Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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