Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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