last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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