Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
