Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
