I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
