thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
