Need sex. Gaining weight.
bring money and cleavage
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
