so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
