I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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