I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize