she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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