Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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