Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i came on her dog
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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