All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
