I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
