So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
