he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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