Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
