i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
not ubering you a puppy
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