i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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