she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
