Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
