My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
