I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
