I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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