It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
