so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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