I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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