just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize