From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
