After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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