After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
