I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Randomize
