I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
