I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
