i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
