i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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