I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
