Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize